just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
