I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
