I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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