drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Dignity is for republicans.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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