i would punch a child for taco bell
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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