addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
