he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
