you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
