I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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