I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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