Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
FUCK WHALES
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
