If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
