Those balls look pretty dangerous.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
