is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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