So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
