guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize