Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
