her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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