Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize