i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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