Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
