just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
