Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
