These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
