shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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