we have officially lost it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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