I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
