put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize