well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
