i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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