Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
