she was so not down for the gang bang
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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