Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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