lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
