She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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