So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
