Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
