Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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