well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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