Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
