I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
