I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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