Bisexual people are plain selfish.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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