I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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