and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
