Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
