the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
