Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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