I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
