Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
