my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
