what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
