he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
