well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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