There was a lot of him and a little penis
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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