i just had sex bonerless
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
