I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
