duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
