I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She bit a glass in half.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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