totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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