What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
3 2 1 whiskey
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
