tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
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