What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
