Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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