didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
