Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
