Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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