maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
